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And Now... Bar/Bat Mitzvah Mode
By David
Posted October 18, 2013

It's the middle of October 2013, and it feels like we're living life in fast-forward. I could swear that it was just summer, when we drove the Sweet Sweetheart to camp, while the Good Boy started his first job, at the age of 12, as a counselor-trainee at a local day camp.

A few weeks later, we delivered them both to a sleep-away camp in Malibu, and then a few weeks after that, we all flew out to Florida to celebrate our cousin (nephews)'s Bar Mitzvah, and to help with construction on my Mom's new home in Boca Raton.

Oh, by 'help' I mean, we walked through the place and put in our 2-cents. That's about it. Thankfully, none of us actually wielded a hammer or drill, or there's no telling what disasters could have unfolded.

And then, as quick as I could say "back to school," the kids were... back to school. The Sweet Sweetheart started middle-school, while her brother was now a seasoned veteran of the fine educational institution through which they now both proudly schlepp their 150 lb. backpacks.

I'm really not sure what happened to the rest of September, though. I guess that time flies when you're having fun. Or, when you're stressing about not having started to plan your children's upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah, which is just months away.

We
We're in the San Fernando Valley, but it feels like Grand Central Station

Let me explain: Apparently, there is an unwritten law of Judaism which clearly states that all Jewish parents must plan (and book) their children's Bar Mitzvahs at least 3 years in advance of the blessed (or not-so blessed) event. Otherwise, there will be a steep penalty levied upon the intransigent members of the Tribe, which will be copious amounts of stress and guilt.

I was secretly hoping for excommunication, but alas, no such luck. So, we finally broke down and began planning the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Since the Good Boy will turn 13 and the Sweet Sweetheart will turn 12 within a few months of each other, we will be having a combined event weekend. That is the silver lining. We will take care of business in one fell swoop. Two birds, one stone. That's the way we roll.

And that's a good thing, too. These days, throwing a Bar Mitzvah in the infamous City of Angels can easily cost in the range of $25,000 -- $50,000. Of course, it's really no problem to increase those costs by throwing a particularly lavish party, or by inviting a celebrity to perform a $300,000 song for your favorite middle-schooler. But that's definitely not where we're going with this.

Where we have been going, though, is to Bar Mitzvah lessons and Hebrew School. These days, our weeks have been expanded to include my taking the Good Boy to his Torah reading lessons and practicing with him each evening, and Beautiful Eema has been taking both kids to Hebrew School bright and early each Sunday morning. And, each month, we're also obligated to make an appearance at the temple for Sabbath prayers, as part of the package deal.

Of course, the early Sunday commitments have done wonders for our Saturday nights. Oh, well, I keep on telling myself that this, too, shall pass. After all, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that sometime in the next 30 years there will come a time that we'll be able to sleep late on weekends. See -- I am optimistic!

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